A glossary of zoning terms

A friend from the Kansas City area sends along this cynical dictionary of land use and zoning phrases. Some samples:

Campaign Contributions: The first step in the zoning process.

Citizen Groups: Rabble.

City Council: A governing body representing developers.

Developer's Attorney: 1. A golfing buddy of city council members. 2. A campaign manager for city council members.

Eminent Domain: A developer's philosophy: "What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine."

Landscaping: The installation of trees, shrubs, and other plant materials in lieu of enforcing the proper zoning.

Master Plan: A fairy tale, updated yearly, which doesn't begin with "Once upon a time" and never has a happy ending.

Public Hearing: Private meetings between the governing body and developers--sometimes interrupted by uninvited citizens.

Zoning: The intended use of a land before a developer says otherwise.