Faith: July 2019 Archives
God Called Me to Quit My Job. But Did I Trust Him Without a Paycheck | CT Women | Christianity Today
Lessons of God's provision, learned on a round-the-world trip to research singleness.
"Throughout my 30s, I thought of God's provision as something he largely imparted in the form of occasional gifts, like the job where I worked for a decade or the house where I lived for six years. Under this stability 'contract,' God provided initial security and then I made it last as long as possible.
"All that seemed pretty virtuous until a dinner conversation last year, when a new friend observed that I seemed quite committed to having control. (By that he meant, of course, the illusion of it.) His words unsettled me. Not only was it hard to face the possibility, but having it exposed probably meant that God planned to do something about it....
"Once I actually set out on my pilgrimage, the scariest part was learning to trust God for provision week-by-week, sometimes even hour-by-hour. One Sunday in Spain, for example, I showed up at a new church dragging all my bags, because I'd had to leave my prior housing and didn't know where I'd sleep that night. (I left the service with the key to one attendee's apartment.)
"For a while, these needs added drama to life, but God always seemed to come through.
"Then things fell through and fell through again until I found myself stuck in Nigeria, racking up the cost of a failed attempt to visit one more West African country. All the old fears of God letting me down surged back to the forefront and squelched my trust in his love....
"Initially, I had a hard time adjusting to the lack of basic amenities in less-developed cities--the water shut-offs, power cuts, pot-hole ridden roads, and even a thriving rat population in one house where I stayed. By now, however, I'm starting to see that, if I let it, this short-term lack of security can teach me greater dependence on God. The truth is, I take not one breath--let alone one bite--but that he provides it. How easily I forget that.
"Early into the trip, I freaked out one night when I learned I couldn't get a Eurail pass in time to spare me the $100 train ticket it would have covered. But as I sat there, trying not to panic, I seemed to hear God saying, 'You're on my expense account.'
"Over time, that promise has made all the difference. After all, if I had an employer covering this research trip, I wouldn't sweat the occasional not-quite-cheapest fare, and I wouldn't freak out as much while failing to get a visa. Instead, I'd take these expenses in stride as part of trying my best for the boss. God is far more than a boss, of course. But if I'm asked to steward some of his resources in the service of work he calls me to, that changes everything. God is my supplier, and his resources are infinite to accomplish what he wills. Not all the comforts I want, perhaps, but what he wills."
